In Which Jasper Discovers Dragon Breath

So I'm kind of awful at remembering to start my car a little early to warm it up on super cold days. You should know that. This morning is a chilly one. 11 degrees, feels like -5, windy, etc. Jasper and I headed out to the car, and he whimpered because it was cold. I told him to get in the car, and we did. I started the car and told him to buckle up, and he began crying.

Now, this was weird. He's been adamant lately that he buckle himself up, but he was getting frantic. So since I was super bundled up myself and couldn't move well enough to just turn around, I got back out of the car, opened his door, and leaned over to buckle him up. I had to loosen the straps a little to accommodate his fleece sweater, so I thought he was just feeling claustrophobic or something, but then he started holding his hand over his mouth and crying harder. Whaaat? Oh, I must have been breathing on him with coffee breath. So I held my breath or breathed away from him. Nope, still crying. Then he began whining about the smoke. Ohhhhhh. The exhaust was coming into the car.

  "Yeah, honey, that's the smoke from the car. It will go away when I shut the door." I finished buckling him and got back in the car and buckled my own seatbelt.  He started crying harder. What was UP with this kid? This was very atypical behavior. I looked back at him and he was fanning his mouth like Buddy the Elf trying to get the perfume off his tongue. What on earth?
  "The smoke! The smoke!!!" He closed his mouth and held his breath. Oh my gosh. I couldn't hold back the laughter.
  "Oh, sweetie. That's just your breath! Look! Mine is doing it too! I look like a dragon!" He cried harder. "When the air inside your body is hotter than the air outside, it makes little clouds that you can see. It's okay, it doesn't hurt you or anything else!!" He was not comforted. The entire ride to preschool, his crying diminished in indirect proportion to the heat rising in the vehicle. Once we could no longer see our breath, he was fine. Then we were there and had to get out of the car and it started all over again.

I think my kid was born in the wrong area of the country.

Conversation: November 15, 2016 (There's a bug on your shirt!)

Mama: Hi Jasper.
Jasper: Hi. What are we doing today?
Mama: Well, I thought that we could have a conversation.
Jasper: What's a conversation? I burped.
Mama: A conversation is a time when I talk and then you talk and then I talk and we go back and forth talking, talking, talking!
Jasper: What does a cat do?
Mama: A cat is a furry animal that likes to chase toys and snuggle on the couch. We have three cats.
Jasper: Do you know a dog?
Mama: I know lots of dogs.

*pause*

Mama: Jasper, what did you do at school today?
Jasper: I played and played and played and played and played and played.
Mama: Oh. What sorts of things did you play?
Jasper: I played with JT and Finn.
Mama: What games did you play?
Jasper: I don't know.  Art and carpet toys.
Mama: Did you learn anything new today?
Jasper: Yes!
Mama: What did you learn?
Jasper: About turkeys!
Mama: Ooooh. I like turkeys. What do you know about turkeys?
Jasper: Eating turkeys!
Mama: Do you want to eat turkey?
Jasper: No thanks.
Mama: What kinds of food do you like?
Jasper: Cheese pizza, please.
Mama: Well. We aren't eating food right now, because we already had dinner. Maybe we can have cheese pizza another time.
Jasper: Um, fish sticks?
Mama: You like fish sticks, too?
Jasper: Yes.
Mama: What is your favorite thing to drink?
Jasper: Milk!
Mama: Oh, I like milk too. The milk we drink comes from cows.
Jasper: And we eat ice cream.
Mama: That's right, we like ice cream too.
Jasper: Um, okay. Let's pretend to be chickens.
Mama: Bwaaaaaaaaaaaak buk buk buk buk buk
Jasper: I changed my mind. Stand up.
Mama: *stands up*
Jasper: Now I changed my mind. Sit down.
Mama: *sits down*
Jasper: Now I changed my mind again! Stand up!
Mama: No. I'm not standing up again.
Jasper: Are you ready? Let's pretend. Pretend there is a bug on your nose. Wiggle it off!
Mama: *wiggles nose*
Jasper: Wiggle it off and laugh!
Mama: *wiggles nose and laughs loudly*
Jasper: That tiny fox! The tiny bug flew in your mouth! Blow it!
Mama: *blech blech*
Jasper: BLOW IT!
Mama: *blows*
Jasper: Blow it harder!
Mama: *BLOWWWWWWWWWWW*
Jasper: Wait! That tiny tickly bug is on your shirt!
Mama: *screams*
Jasper: The only way to get it off is to do the chicken dance!
Mama: Seriously? You want me to do the chicken dance?
Jasper: Yes. Say buk buk buk buk buk!
Mama: *sings and dances the chicken dance*
Jasper: DANCE FASTER!!!
Mama: *dances super fast*
Jasper: THE TINY WIGGLY BUG IS STUCK ON YOUR SHIRT!  Don't worry. Pretend there's a giant hungry frog it can eat the tiny tickly bug stuck on your shirt. GRIBBIT! RIBBIT!  Uh oh... there really IS A GIANT HUNGRY FROG! Scare him away!
Mama: How?
Jasper: Because you have to scare him away!
Mama: But how can I scare him?
Jasper: You have to scare him like a scary face!
Mama: *makes scary face* LIKE THIS?!?!
Jasper: *laughs*

On Super Mario Bros. and Perfectionists

Two Super Mario Bros. interactions for you. 1) Jasper asked me to play so I was pretending I didn't know how to get over an obstacle. "RUN!" he instructed. I showed him that Mario was running but getting nowhere. "I am," I said, smirking. "JUMP!" he shouted, demonstrating for me and pointing at the television. I made Mario stop running and instead jump up and down. "I am. It's not working," I lamented, giggling to myself. "SKIP!!!!" he yelled, jumping and throwing his hands into the air. Well... yeah. It's skipping. I skipped. "You did it!!! Great job, Mama!" Jasper congratulated me. Lol I had a great teacher. 2) Jasper was playing the game himself, and managed to get further along in the game than ever before before his character died and he got a game over. "Wow, you did a great job, Jasper, you-" He cut me off. "No. No I didn't." "Yeah buddy, you got fur-" "No." "Listen to my words," I encouraged him. "You made it further in the game than you ever have before! You are learning, and that is good, and you can do better next time! That IS a good job!" "No," he grunted. "I can be PERFECT." Uh oh. I think we're in for a rough academic existence.