In Which Jasper Discovers Dragon Breath

So I'm kind of awful at remembering to start my car a little early to warm it up on super cold days. You should know that. This morning is a chilly one. 11 degrees, feels like -5, windy, etc. Jasper and I headed out to the car, and he whimpered because it was cold. I told him to get in the car, and we did. I started the car and told him to buckle up, and he began crying.

Now, this was weird. He's been adamant lately that he buckle himself up, but he was getting frantic. So since I was super bundled up myself and couldn't move well enough to just turn around, I got back out of the car, opened his door, and leaned over to buckle him up. I had to loosen the straps a little to accommodate his fleece sweater, so I thought he was just feeling claustrophobic or something, but then he started holding his hand over his mouth and crying harder. Whaaat? Oh, I must have been breathing on him with coffee breath. So I held my breath or breathed away from him. Nope, still crying. Then he began whining about the smoke. Ohhhhhh. The exhaust was coming into the car.

  "Yeah, honey, that's the smoke from the car. It will go away when I shut the door." I finished buckling him and got back in the car and buckled my own seatbelt.  He started crying harder. What was UP with this kid? This was very atypical behavior. I looked back at him and he was fanning his mouth like Buddy the Elf trying to get the perfume off his tongue. What on earth?
  "The smoke! The smoke!!!" He closed his mouth and held his breath. Oh my gosh. I couldn't hold back the laughter.
  "Oh, sweetie. That's just your breath! Look! Mine is doing it too! I look like a dragon!" He cried harder. "When the air inside your body is hotter than the air outside, it makes little clouds that you can see. It's okay, it doesn't hurt you or anything else!!" He was not comforted. The entire ride to preschool, his crying diminished in indirect proportion to the heat rising in the vehicle. Once we could no longer see our breath, he was fine. Then we were there and had to get out of the car and it started all over again.

I think my kid was born in the wrong area of the country.

Uh, what?

Scene: At the dinner table tonight. Mommy, Mama, and Jasper are all eating silently. Suddenly, Jasper looks up.

Jasper: I have some bad news.
Mama: (Looks at Mommy and back to Jasper) Uh, okay, what's the bad news?
Jasper: Kevin. Tiberius.
Mama: K...Kevin? Kevin Tiberius?
Jasper: No. Just Tiberius.
Mama: What about him?
Jasper: He fly.
Mama: He flew?
Jasper. (Nods seriously)
Mama: (Looks at Mommy and bursts out laughing)
Mama: (To Jasper) Is there a Tiberius at your school?
Jasper: No.

Jasper's Story

Once upon a time, it was a sunny day. Suddenly, he had realized two other things to do. So James came very happy and ten hours later it turned on. Aw, come on. That again? Do you know the words? He had a box up to a tree. So he opened the door, and said, "Moms, I don't have a big box." And the other things. So he pulled and pulled and he opened the door and he said, "Mom! I found a box!" And they lived happily ever after. The End.