Uh, what?

Scene: At the dinner table tonight. Mommy, Mama, and Jasper are all eating silently. Suddenly, Jasper looks up.

Jasper: I have some bad news.
Mama: (Looks at Mommy and back to Jasper) Uh, okay, what's the bad news?
Jasper: Kevin. Tiberius.
Mama: K...Kevin? Kevin Tiberius?
Jasper: No. Just Tiberius.
Mama: What about him?
Jasper: He fly.
Mama: He flew?
Jasper. (Nods seriously)
Mama: (Looks at Mommy and bursts out laughing)
Mama: (To Jasper) Is there a Tiberius at your school?
Jasper: No.

Jasper's Story

Once upon a time, it was a sunny day. Suddenly, he had realized two other things to do. So James came very happy and ten hours later it turned on. Aw, come on. That again? Do you know the words? He had a box up to a tree. So he opened the door, and said, "Moms, I don't have a big box." And the other things. So he pulled and pulled and he opened the door and he said, "Mom! I found a box!" And they lived happily ever after. The End.

On Super Mario Bros. and Perfectionists

Two Super Mario Bros. interactions for you. 1) Jasper asked me to play so I was pretending I didn't know how to get over an obstacle. "RUN!" he instructed. I showed him that Mario was running but getting nowhere. "I am," I said, smirking. "JUMP!" he shouted, demonstrating for me and pointing at the television. I made Mario stop running and instead jump up and down. "I am. It's not working," I lamented, giggling to myself. "SKIP!!!!" he yelled, jumping and throwing his hands into the air. Well... yeah. It's skipping. I skipped. "You did it!!! Great job, Mama!" Jasper congratulated me. Lol I had a great teacher. 2) Jasper was playing the game himself, and managed to get further along in the game than ever before before his character died and he got a game over. "Wow, you did a great job, Jasper, you-" He cut me off. "No. No I didn't." "Yeah buddy, you got fur-" "No." "Listen to my words," I encouraged him. "You made it further in the game than you ever have before! You are learning, and that is good, and you can do better next time! That IS a good job!" "No," he grunted. "I can be PERFECT." Uh oh. I think we're in for a rough academic existence.

Cookies

Jasper: "Can I have a cookie please?"
Mama: (hands Jasper a cookie)
Jasper: "Oh Happy Day!"

Trying Chicken Salad - June 1, 2016

Jasper: What do talk about?
Mama: I don't know. What do you want to talk about?
Jasper: He want to talk about... grammyanplace.
Mama: What does that mean?
Jasper: NO.
Mama: Can you spell it?
Jasper: Gr..  but that's the right place!
Mama: I... don't know what you're saying.  HEY.  Do you want to try some chicken salad?
Jasper: Yes.
Mama: (goes and gets chicken salad out of fridge. Gives Jasper a bite)
Jasper: EW. (refuses bite)  YOU EAT IT.
Mama: (takes a bite)  Now you take a bite!
Jasper: (Covers face with hands, accidentally knocks bite onto his legs. Ponders the food on his legs, then puts it in his mouth. Dramatically gags. Continues eating off of his fingers.) Mmm.
Mama: Great, now eat the rest of the bite!
Jasper: (Does all the kid anti-eating things a kid does)
Mama: YOU LIKED IT THREE SECONDS AGO. Never Mind.
Jasper: (Runs away)
Mama: GO PICK THREE BOOKS FOR BED!


You can try this chicken salad too! Here's the recipe.

Conversation: May 31, 2016

Mama: What do you want to talk about?
Jasper: Daddy and Dada.
Mama: What about your dads? Where do your dads live?
Jasper: They live in the cave.
Mama: Oh really? Where is their cave?
Jasper: They live on the house.
Mama: Do they live in a cave or a house?
Jasper: A house!
Mama: What color is their house?
Jasper: What starts with reh, reh?
Mama: I don't know.
Jasper: Can you spell R?
Mama: (I type R)
Jasper: Red! (Their house is yellow) What else? Hmm.
Mama: What did you have for dinner tonight?
Jasper: Have corn dog bites!
Mama: Do you like corn dog bites?
Jasper: Yes! Are you sure? Yeh- yeh, what starts with yeh?  YES!
Mama: What did you do with Mama tonight?
Jasper: He plays on the computer!
Mama: No, where did we go?
Jasper: We going to the stores.
Mama: How many stores did we go to?
Jasper: We got three stores! (holds up three fingers)
Mama: What did we buy at the stores?
Jasper: They walk the stores.
Mama: What does that mean?
Jasper: I don't know. He has enough money.
Mama: You have money?
Jasper: No! We are going to the .. did you know that the... what else? STOP PICKING YOUR NOSE!
Mama: I am not picking my nose. Where did you go this morning? Where did Mama take you?
Jasper: He take you the ... hmm.
Mama: Where did I take you this morning before I went to work?
Jasper: You walk the work.
Mama: What?  (he gets off his chair)  Are you done?
Jasper:  (running away) Yes!

First Camping Trip - May 29-30

Mama: Hey, we just got back from a camping trip. Your very FIRST camping trip. Did you have a good time?
Jasper. Yes! Hmm. Um. He wants a toy.
Mama: Well. Tell me, what was your favorite thing about camping?
Jasper. Hmm. The door.
Mama: You liked the tent door? The swinging door?
Jasper. No.
Mama: Well, what then? What did you like best?
Jasper. Hmm. Um. He wants a little square.
Mama: You are not making any sense. Did you like the campfire?  Did you like going on a walk? Did you like peeing outside? Did you like sleeping in a tent? Did you like it when it rained? What was your favorite part?
Jasper. Hmm. Um.. He wants a little rectangle.
Mama: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Did you like your sleeping bag?
Jasper. YES!
Mama: That was your favorite part? The sleeping bag and mattress?
Jasper. Yes! Hmm. Um. (I didn't type it.) HMM, UM. (looks at me pointedly) 
Mama: You don't have to say Hmm Umm every time.
Jasper. HMM, UMM.
Mama: (types hmm umm)
Mommy: Jasper, did you like touching that fish?
Jasper: Yes!
Mommy: Did you like playing baseball?
Jasper. Yes!
Mama: What did you NOT like? What was a bad thing about camping?
Jasper:  What starts with "buh, buh?"
Mama: I do not know.
Jasper: It Was A Bad Day.
Mama: Jasper, that is a book. We are talking about camping. Okay, we're done. Go away.
Jasper: NO!
Mama: Then tell me, what do you think about camping?
Jasper: Can you spell Hmm? ( I type it) Can you spell Um? (I type it, he walks away and plays Cinderella movie)

P.S. Read about the camping trip here.